


Words I Need To Hear

by delible_ink



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Fluff, Fluff and Smut, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, M/M, Praise Kink, Sorry Not Sorry, Tooth-Rotting Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-04
Updated: 2020-04-04
Packaged: 2021-02-28 19:41:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,854
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23482585
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/delible_ink/pseuds/delible_ink
Summary: No excuses, other than it's quarantine and I miss humans. So, here's your Clayleb smut. No other context needed.If you're reading Forests, Fires, there are a couple of Easter eggs for you, but otherwise, this just is what it is. If you are among my sex-averse friends, do not read this. There's nothing else to this one. It's just very affectionate, consensual sex in a loving relationship.I didn't expect would write this, and I don't plan to do more one off smut pieces, but here we are? Man, pandemic does a weird thing to the brain.I'm sorry and/or you're welcome.
Relationships: Caduceus Clay/Caleb Widogast
Comments: 4
Kudos: 128





	Words I Need To Hear

Caleb exhaled as he heard the door close and the lock click.

He was resting on the bed, like he promised. He managed to put away his books, his boots, and his coat. The past few days were a whirl of anxious energy; it took a lot to feel alright enough to just lay down. But Caduceus had asked him to rest, and now Cad was here, finished with his dinner time clean up. Things would be alright.

Cad's eyes swept over Caleb as he closed and locked Caleb’s bedroom door. 

"Just where I asked you to be. Good. Thank you, Caleb.” 

Caleb smiled, eyes still closed. Caduceus arranged a few things on the nightstand.

“Did you rest for me?”

“I did, but I do not think I slept.”

“You took a break. That's what's important.” Caduceus ran his fingers over Caleb’s chest; Caleb’s breathing sped up a little.

“You’re still having nightmares.” Caduceus said. Caleb nodded. The touch on his chest retreated and Caleb heard the sound of tea being poured into cups.

“It’s hard to let yourself sleep when it feels...like there’s something waiting for you on the other side. But they seem to be getting better, the nightmares. Less intense.” Cad observed. He’d been able to wake Caleb fairly easily when they were bad, and there had been at least one night in the last week that they were both able to sleep through the night.

Caleb deferred the affirmation. “Only because of you.”

Caduceus laughed. “I’ve just given you ideas. You’ve been so good Caleb, talking about what’s been on your mind, asking for company, for help when you need it. You had to decide to do that yourself. It’s hard work, and you’ve been doing really, really well.” Caleb opened his eyes, meeting Cad’s, and taking his hand. He brought the warm, rough fingers to his lips.

“You believe that?” Caleb asked with a shy uncertainty.

“That you’re doing difficult work? That you’re doing it well?”

Caleb nodded, biting his lip.   
“You are doing so well, Caleb.” Caduceus dropped his voice lower, to that quiet rumble that seemed to seep through bone. “I'm proud of you.” Cad assured him, and he saw the soft tremble run through Caleb. 

Caduceus gave a slight nod. He thought that’s what Caleb was asking for.

* * *

It had only been a couple of weeks since he’d first noticed the way Caleb responded to these gentle praises. He only allowed himself to enjoy them in private. He could only handle a few it seemed, when they were speaking directly about Caleb as a person. Caduceus knew he had to be careful how much he praised Caleb’s work on taking care of himself, or Caleb would pull back. But if it was about the two of them, about the ways Caleb treated Caduceus, the way he made Caduceus feel good or how Caleb communicated his own desires, Caleb could let himself hear praise about those things. Caduceus saw these as stepping stones. Caleb desperately needed to learn that he was worthy of love. He knew it sometimes, on occasion, if he let go of his habitual self-hatred for a moment. Cad’s way of supporting that was to find the places Caleb would let himself be praised, and work from there. It was a coincidental benefit to Caduceus that these little words of praise gave him a new and extremely effective way to turn Caleb on. 

He’d discovered that rather by accident, when they were preparing dinner. Caduceus was focused on Caleb instead of cooking, dropping chaste kisses all over Caleb’s face, whispering his appreciation for Caleb when he heard Caleb’s breath hitch. One hand tracing over his thigh, Cad accidentally brushed against Caleb’s cock through his trousers, surprised to discover just what effect those words had on his human. Since then, Caduceus had been gradually introducing praises into the way he showed Caleb affection, especially when they made love. Caleb quite liked this turn of events, though he was shy to admit or ask for it. No one had ever spoken to him like that, and it felt so good, so completely different from anything he'd experienced before. He had so rarely been able to trust kindness, but he could trust it when the words came from Caduceus.

* * *

Caleb pulled Cad’s fingertip into his mouth, sucking softly and tugging a surprised little moan from him. Caleb chuckled. “Alright, _leibchen_?” 

“A-alright, Cay. Very good. That tongue of yours is something else.” Caduceus breathed.

Caleb grinned, letting go of the hand and propping himself up on an elbow. “And that was just a finger? You are sensitive, friend.” Caleb teased. 

"Very sensitive for you, Caleb." Caduceus took Caleb by the back of his neck and pulled him into a kiss. He wanted Caleb naked and in his arms this instant, but he pushed back the urge.

They had time.

Caleb had been exhausted all week. 

They could take this slow. 

Gradually, Caleb let go, glancing at the new contents of his nightstand. A vial of sweet almond oil, Caduceus’ favorite for the way it felt and tasted. A teapot, two porcelain cups. Simple pleasures. 

“What tea did you bring us?”

“Something special.” Caduceus answered playfully. Caleb held out a hand, and Caduceus placed the small cup in it. At the first sip Caleb recognized the blend Caduceus had made specifically for them, the night Caduceus Clay made Rexxentrum disappear from Caleb’s head, at least for a few hours.

“I love you too.” Caleb whispered, and Caduceus glowed. Caleb could feel the warming effects of the tea, the way it left his mouth savoring and his body wanting. He drained his cup, not breaking eye contact with Caduceus as he licked a stray droplet from his lips. 

“Wow.” Cad whispered. Caduceus finished his own tea, his fingers tapping, waiting.

“You want something, Caddy.” Caleb observed. He was playing as cool as he could, despite the excitement coiling in his gut.

“Yeah. Yes. I...it’s still kind of a new experience for me. I was usually content before I met you.”

“And now?” Caleb asked, unsure of Cad’s meaning.

“Now I’m a lot happier, but I also _want_ a lot more.” 

“Love can do that to a person. It can be uncomfortable. I’m sorry.” Caleb replied. He often felt guilty, being the one to introduce Caduceus to love, afraid he'd also be the one to introduce him to heartbreak.

“I'm not sorry. I like this very much.” Caduceus took Caleb's teacup. He had plans for this evening besides tea. Of course, Caleb could have whatever he wanted, but usually he didn’t ask for what he wanted. He asked what Cad wanted. Caduceus was hoping to work around that.

“Lay back for me?” Cad prompted.

Caleb raised an eyebrow, but complied with a playful smile. 

“Thank you.” Cad purred. He began unbuttoning Caleb’s shirt, exposing the pale, scar-marked skin beneath. Cad tried to get used to the sight. It was difficult, being comfortable with the evidence of so much damage all over his favorite person, so many old scars pointing to the many things that hurt Caleb about his past. But knowing how far they’d come, and seeing the joy he could put on Caleb's face, despite the scars, made Cad's heart do somersaults. He dripped a little oil onto his palms and pressed firmly but gently into Caleb's skin. He wanted Caleb to feel safe. 

Caleb hummed with pleasure at the feeling of Cad’s hands on his body. It was exquisite to be touched like this. He still hadn’t gotten used to it, and he wasn’t sure he ever would. 

"That's it, Caleb. Relax for me. Good." 

Caleb arched into Cad's hand, seeking more of that sensation, relishing the feeling of being called good, by Caduceus, who actually _was_ good. 

Cad slid Caleb's shirt off, Caleb sitting up to help, only to fall back with a soft push.

Caduceus was mesmerized by the sight of Caleb like this, trusting, receiving, letting Cad shower him with affection. Caleb must have been tired. He wasn't trying to deny himself what Caduceus had for him.

Cad had only experienced sex a handful of times, all of them with Caleb, but already he was growing familiar with the rhythms it created, hungry for the sensation of closeness it gave him. He had a guess from Caleb's responses to him that they were on the same page.

"I'm so proud of you, Caleb, taking care of yourself. I like seeing you do that. I like seeing you like this: calm, happy...loved. You are lovely like this."

Caleb groaned, reaching for one of Cad's hands, pulling the man closer. "You are teasing me." Caleb complained, but the complaint was empty. He loved this. He was just battling with the truth of Cad's words.

"Not at all. I love you, Caleb. I especially like when you are like this. I love my hands on you. Love the sounds you make for me." He dragged his gaze over Caleb's body, noting the bulge in his pants, and how Caleb canted his hips up at Cad's words. Caduceus shifted, straddling his partner, pressing their clasped hands into the mattress. "I love when you let me close to you. You're so beautiful." 

Caleb gasped as Cad settled his weight on top of him, earning a gorgeous smile from Caduceus.

"You okay?" Cad whispered, loosening his grip on Caleb's hands a little. The change of his tone stabbed Caleb's heart. Caduceus was so tender with him, always checking, always making sure his Caleb was safe. Caleb had never been so cared for. He swallowed. 

"Ja. Okay. Gut. **_Sehr gut._ ** _"_ He wiggled a little, pushing his hips against Cad, squeezing his hands. 

"Good." Cad rumbled. He loved when things were " _zair goot."_ That always meant a happy Caleb. 

Caleb let go of one of Cad's hands to twist his hand into Cad's hair, pulling gently, bringing their lips together in a passionate kiss. Caleb sought Cad's tongue, bringing it into his mouth. Caduceus whined, needing more. Caleb pushed, and Cad fell to his side, never losing contact with Caleb. Caleb tangled their legs together, holding tight until he had to come up for air. He touched their foreheads together. He loved this position. Laying beside Cad meant they could be eye to eye.

"I love you, Caduceus Clay. Melora help me if she will, but I am hopelessly in love with you."

"I love you too, Sunflower." Cad breathed. There was something about Caleb calling on the Wildmother when he voiced his love that was honoring, a specific sort of affection just for Cad. He was shaken by it, deliciously so. 

"You're so good to me, Caleb. You love me so well." 

Caleb pressed his thumb into the muscle at the base of Cad's skull, releasing tension and a satisfied groan.

"You...how do you...ah--" Cad was at a loss for words, but his praise stroked Caleb.

"Mmmm." Caleb shivered. _He_ was doing this, _he_ was the one making Caduceus feel this way. His cock twitched, already hard, aching for Caduceus, for _his_ Caduceus. 

Caleb's hand slid over to Cad's ear, brushing gently.

"Please." Cad whispered. "Yes."

Caleb chuckled. He pushed Cad onto his back so he could reach both ears. His fingers deftly traced around one, responding to each flicker and twitch, every gasp. He nuzzled close, pressing a delicate kiss to the other.

"Caleb--" 

"I've got you, Caddy. I've got you." Caleb whispered. His tongue traced lovingly over the edge, probing sensitive skin.

"Ah! Good, Caleb. So good. You're... I need... Cay, I need you." 

Caleb moaned, his eyes rolling back. He was needed, wanted. He was enough. His hips thrust, pressing his erection into Cad's side. 

"You have me, Caduceus." He laid another deep kiss to Cad's ear, drawing a moan from him. "Can I make you come like this?" Caleb asked shakily. 

Caduceus pulled free just a little, trying to find his focus. He let go of Caleb's hand to grab his hips, holding him still.

"I'm not...ha...not sure. But...I was going to take care of _you_." He protested weakly. Truthfully, Caleb's magic tongue could make Caduceus come however he wanted, but that was not the point. Cad caught his breath a little, Caleb pulling back at Cad's first protest.

"I want to do something for _you_ . You make me feel... incredible. Always. I don’t know how to say it. It's just good. So good. I want...I want to do that for you. Tell me how. What do _you_ want, Caleb?"

Caleb studied Cad's face. He always had a hard time with this. He could give. He could please, he could take Caduceus apart and put him back together again in a million ways...but what he wanted? What made him feel the way Caduceus felt? He was newer to that question than he liked to admit. 

Caleb gave Cad's ear another gentle kiss, "What I want?" 

"Please, Caleb. Whatever you want.”

Caleb blinked, looking away from Cad’s intense stare. He wanted…  
“Let me taste you? Let me taste you and tell me...tell me how it feels. Tell me…” He paused, his eyes flicked up to Cad’s, darting away just as fast. “I want to hear…”

 _I want to hear that I’m not a monster. That you really love me, that it’s okay that you love me. That I can feel like this. That it’s alright..._ But how could he ask for that, and then believe it was true? Caduceus could just say whatever Caleb told him to, whatever he wanted to hear. And even if he meant it, how could Caleb possibly deserve that?

Caduceus recognized the expression on Caleb’s face. He was familiar with not knowing how to say something, though Caleb had that look of fear...not wanting to ask for something wrong, something he wasn't allowed to have.

“Can I tell you how much I love you? How good you make me feel? How wonderful you are?” 

Caleb bit his lip, his hand squeezing Cad’s more tightly again. “Will you let me? Is that what you want, Cay?”

“Please,” Caleb whispered. “Please tell me.”

“Good, Caleb. I like to know what you want. Thank you for saying it. You’re so good.” Caduceus dropped his head, mouthing at Caleb’s neck, bathing the spot in love, as he felt Caleb’s pulse pounding beneath his tongue.“You are beautiful, Caleb. Love you. Just like this.”

Caleb moaned, bucking his hips.

Cad released his grip on Caleb to untie his own trousers, Caleb’s fingers rapidly joining to assist. As Cad shifted to toss his pants aside, Caleb pulled his shirt over his head. He couldn’t tear his eyes away from the sight of Caduceus, bared and brilliant. He was strange, he was beautiful, he was everything.

The moment they had Caduceus nude, Caleb started to lower himself, but Cad’s hand stopped him.

“Want to see you too, Sunflower. May I?”

Caleb’s face held a look of soft surprise. “ _Was?”_

“You.” Cad repeated. 

“Oh.” Caleb smiled, more at home with a request being made of him. He stood, Cad sitting up to watch as Caleb stripped the rest of his clothing off. He took his time. He had an idea of what he looked like, and though he knew this was not the body of the toned boy-soldier he had been, he could see what it did to his lover.

“Wow.” Cad’s voice was a rumbling whisper. He looked ravenous, transfixed as Caleb’s body was exposed before him, the pale skin, those rare spots along his legs and abdomen free of scarring. The flushed pink of his cockhead, bobbing ever so slightly when Caduceus spoke. “Caleb. You are gorgeous. You’re...I... **_mine_**?” He finally landed on. If Caleb thought anything of Cad’s inexperience, the way that he lacked words to put to his desires or feelings, it was that Caduceus was endearing.

Cad's fingers flexed, reaching for Caleb.

Caleb crawled on the bed towards him, knowing exactly how tempting he could be from this position. “Yours.”

“Oh, good.” Cad breathed, and his voice shook with it. He brought Caleb up to his chest, diverting him for the second time from his intended destination. He embraced him tightly. 

“You can taste me, I promise. You can have whatever you want, Caleb, just...I need to tell you again.” He kissed Caleb’s lips, diving into the sensation, breathing him in. “I love you.” Cad laughed, from joy, from excitement. “I love you.”

Caleb closed his eyes, losing himself in the sound and feel of those words. “Mmm. I love you too.” There were so many things Caleb believed were wrong about him, so many broken and horrible things. But loving Caduceus and loving him well, if Caduceus wanted Caleb’s love, that was one of the few things he couldn’t help but feel right about.

“Now,” Caleb said coyly, “you promised I could have what I wanted…” 

“And you were so good for me.” Caduceus added, letting go of Caleb, who began trailing kisses down Cad’s body. Caduceus groaned. “So good for me. Waited so...patiently. Ah...Caleb…” Caleb shuddered, smiling against Cad’s skin as he sucked a love mark over Cad’s hip. He wanted those words, almost as much as he wanted to interrupt them by overwhelming Caduceus. 

He licked at Cad’s inner thigh, his free hand massaging lower on Cad’s leg. He moved his way around Cad’s body as slowly as he dared, and Caleb could be patient. Caleb could take his time. Caleb was very good at this. But it was more of a challenge when Caduceus showered him with words of praise. He didn’t want to be as patient when the man he loved was so emphatically pouring out admiration over him. When each word felt like the most sensual touch, made all the stronger accompanied by a moan that Caduceus couldn’t stop.

Caleb finally returned to Cad’s cock, lavishing his head with generous licks, kissing it as he would Cad’s lips, his hand slicked with Caduceus’ silken almond oil, stroking the base. Cad bit back a cry, trying to be conscious of housemates who might be in adjacent rooms.

“Oh. Caddy, please don’t. Don’t hide those from me.” Caleb whined. “Need to hear you.” He slid his tongue over the underside of Cad’s length, pausing to kiss his sac, encouraged when Caduceus gasped out a cry of surprise.

“Oh--Caleb. Caleb. Feels so good. I--I--more, please Caleb.” 

Caleb trembled. He felt dizzy, as if everything he was doing to Caduceus, Cad was doing to him, but with words, words and sounds that sank into his soul, telling him he was good enough. He was wanted. He was worth something.

Caleb played along Cad’s body like a well known instrument, like a song he knew by heart, though he still had much to discover about the man he loved. He felt Cad’s body twitch, his leg jump reflexively when Caleb would take him deep. The way he sighed into his kisses. He could tell Cad was close when he released him, sitting back on his knees.

“Can we change positions?” Caleb asked.

“Huh?” Caduceus had one hand gripping the headboard, the other in Caleb’s hair until he moved. He was nearly dazed when Caleb asked him something...change? Oh. Moving? Were they moving?

Caleb laid down next to where Caduceus was sitting, though he had somewhat melted from his upright position.

“Let me take you here?” Caleb asked. He could feel he was close. Untouched, and just the sounds and the words flowing from Caduceus were enough to bring him to the edge. “Need to taste you again, Caddy. Please.” He arched his back, licking his lips, his eyes locked on Caduceus’ shaft. He could see it bounce with Cad’s heartbeat, and he wanted to feel that.

Caleb reached out and took Cad’s hands. Caduceus moved as guided, knees on either side of Caleb, lowering him until he was seated and Caleb could once again pull Cad into his mouth. Caduceus moaned low and loud at the feeling of Caleb’s warm mouth around him, eager, with renewed spirit in a more comfortable position.

“Yes” Caleb whispered as he paused for air. “Cad. Love you.”

Caduceus was still gripping Caleb’s hands, Caleb doing his best to balance them both and maintain his focus.

“Caleb, you’re perfect. Perfect for me.” He let go of one of Caleb’s hands, reaching behind himself to dribble some oil onto Caleb’s neglected cock. Caleb groaned as Caduceus began to stroke him, pleasantly stretched between giving and receiving.

“You are my beautiful Caleb. So good for me. You feel so good on my cock. So good in my hands. Caleb, I love you. So good the way you want me. Don’t...don’t stop…” Caduceus lost his words as Caleb pushed forward, taking Cad as far back as he could, He could feel him against the back of his throat, he swallowed, and Cad’s whole body shook.

“Yes--” Cad cried out in shock.

Caleb swallowed again.

“Gods--Caleb. So good. ‘M close.”

Caleb moaned. He was tripping at the edge. His tongue massaged Cad’s length. 

“Love you, Sunflower...So perfect...Mine--ah!”

Caduceus came without warning, his entire body alight with sensation, and Caleb drank deep the earthy taste of him, his own orgasm following as Caduceus called out his name, called Caleb his own, lost himself in absolute pleasure. 

Caleb had experienced plenty of things in his life, but sex had never felt like this, not for him.

Cad gently unseated himself, cradling Caleb’s face as he moved, as if he might shatter. He had found plenty of good uses for his Create Water spell, but his personal favorite was that it meant he could clean up without leaving the bed. He lovingly mopped up the remnants of Caleb’s orgasm with a corner of the sheet, placing a small kiss on his head as he went, grinning when he saw the flagging erection jump at the sensation. He would return to that later. They had time. 

Caleb weakly held his arms out to Cad, a little surprised at himself for the gesture. Caduceus grinned at Caleb’s vulnerability, and embraced him, bringing the blankets up around his shoulders, scooching down to be eye to eye with his Caleb.

“Th-th-thank you.” Caleb whispered. “I---” He didn’t have words for this. Instead he buried his face in Cad’s neck, clinging to him, body and soul.

“You are incredible Caleb Widogast. Loving, kind, perfect for me. Exactly as you are. I love you. I love you so much.”

Caleb felt tears at the corners of his eyes. “Caduceus…” He breathed. “I...I love you. More than I can tell you, I love you.”

Outside of this room, chaos waited. Outside of this room, Caleb’s past still haunted him. Clay’s uncertainties and confusion still demanded answers. Outside of this room was a very broken world. But here, in this bed, love managed to create for itself a space of peace.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> Stay safe, wash your hands, and we'll get through this together--apart but together.


End file.
